August 1998

Did I ever tell you about Dane’s first email to me?  The one responding to my AOL Personals ad? 

In my ad, I’d stated that I wasn’t willing to date anyone who was already married, and I wasn’t willing to convert to another religion.  I’d already run into both of those scenarios dating as a divorced mom in the 90s, and I wanted to head that off at the pass in my ad.  As God is my witness, out of about 200 responses, 198 of them were nothing more than … dimensional information, if you catch my meaning, sometimes accompanied with dirty pictures, or married men looking for a hookup who had no shame in telling me that.  I was pretty sure no one even read my ad. 

There were 2 emails I didn’t delete.  One from a gentleman in WI who was considerably older than I was, and Dane.  The older gentleman I thanked for responding and wished him well as he was older than I was looking for as I was hoping to have more children.  I was still in my early 30s at the time. He was looking for a quiet retirement. 

Dane’s email – and I wish I still had it – even used the word, “Alas.”  How many people have you met in your life who have used that word?  Oh how I teased him for that one!  Did I mention I’m a poetical nerd girl?  If I’m honest, he probably had me right there.  Writer-man found one of my weak spots right out of the gate and didn’t even know it.  He could spell and knew how to use words, and boy howdy do I love me some words!  lol  

Further proof of the dream guy becoming real.

The other thing he said right off the bat was, “On behalf of all men everywhere, I apologize for those who have tried to convert you to a religion that wasn’t one you agreed with.” 

(Oh!  He’d actually read my ad!  Dane was nothing if not thorough.) 

He was really familiar with that one as, upon his conversion to Christ, he’d left the faith given to him at birth as he considered it heretical.  He was glad that I considered it heretical too, even though it wasn’t the one I grew up in.  I told him that it had been one of the ones a man I’d been in a relationship with had expected me to convert to even though he didn’t really practice it anymore himself, even though I disagreed with it, and that explaining to that man how I could never marry someone of his faith, had been a difficult conversation. 

[Well, that was an awkward sentence.  In a nutshell, “Would you expect a wife to convert?  Yes.  But you don’t practice?  No.  So why would you expect that from a wife?  Because.  And are you okay with monogamy?  Not really.”  Later, I had to explain to that man that I wasn’t able to meet him for a date as I was getting married.  “Sorry, no, I’m busy this weekend, and forever after.”  He’d only called me like once a month, so, there’s that.  I didn’t think he really had a right to be mad that I was no longer available, but, whatever.] 

We spent those first few days talking about faith, religions, Biblical things, topics like exegesis, eisegesis, and hermeneutics. He later told me he could hear me flipping my Bible pages through the phone and how that had made him happy.  I had my Bible at the ready!  I can’t even tell you how many hours we spent on the phone before he said, “I have to see you.”  Less than a week later, he got me a ring.

Later, it was so amusing to me that I could say, “we fell in love over the Bible.” 

Really though, what better way is there?

We both agreed that faith, however you define it, is integral to a relationship.  Be on the same page.  Ideally on a page that refers to Christ.  Faith is such a personal thing, but in a relationship, in a marriage, be on the same page! 

The more you have in common, the better off your marriage will be. 

Alas! 

And I’m still not converting for anyone.